Supposed First Blog Post

…I am never ashamed to tell people that you are my God, the beginning and the end. The creator of all things visible and invisible. The Father of Jesus Christ our savior. The reason why this is my very first blog post supposedly is that, I want God to be the center of my first blog post. I want to let Him guide and teach me the things that I should post, since this is not really my first blog post I still consider this blog to be my first post…

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Mt. Matangili Rocks: First Hike of 2019

Mt. Matangili Rocks
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So it happened last weekend, my team mate in Volleyball asked me if I wanna come with them for a hike.

At first I was hesitant and told them ‘let me see’, because they’re supposed-to-be schedule on hiking was Saturday morning.

And they are going to spend the night before the day of hiking at a friend’s crib.

With their schedule, I told them I couldn’t come because Friday night we are supposedly going to my roommate’s mother’s funeral.

 

I told my team mate that chances are, I couldn’t come because I have somewhere off to that night.

However , I really wanna come because I badly need a  breather.

But then, as I was waiting for our landlord to come fetch me at our room so we can go at my room mate’s

It’s like the world conspired and there, we aren’t going anymore because of some reasons in the house.

 

I was very upset that night because I wanna go to my room mate’s to show my sympathy,

Cause after all, Ate Peds is such a kind room mate and a loving daughter to her parents.

It felt bad not being able to go personally at their’s to show my deepest condolences.

And to worsen my mood, I should have just said ‘yes’ on the hike. But I guessed it was too late…

 

Saturday morning, suddenly my phone popped up a message. It was my team mate.

Saying that the hike was re-scheduled by Sunday morning and asked me if I could come.

I felt my stomach rumbled with excitement and my body saying ‘yes’ already.

But then, there’s so much ‘but’s’ with life; I am scheduled to go home and do laundry beforehand.

 

My face turned upside-down, I dropped my phone not knowing what to reply.

As I was thinking what to prioritized that weekend, I thought of what had supposed to happen but never happened anyway,

It felt like, what meant to be will always happen.

And that my friend is the reason why I said yes to hike and later on coming home.

 

Saturday afternoon after doing my laundry and cleaning up our room, my weekend starts to be amazingly different.

We rode up to our friend’s house to stay for the night and was planned to start hiking at first light of Sunday.

We spend the night with chit-chats and enthusiasm for tomorrow’s.

We slept with our heart’s pounding excitedly.

 

At first light, as planned, although a little late we started the supposed to be four hours of hike.

Thinking back while we are tramping up, this wasn’t the weekend I foresee.

I was surrounded by new faces, laughing and taking pictures while the hike was on.

I smiled inwardly, a thought crossed my mind that maybe I need to be away sometimes to meet strangers  and learn from them.

 

The hike was as hard as it is, our shoes was sometimes stuck on mud.

We all struggle to reach the top, stopping at houses to ask for some water and to rest for a while.

Yes, there are still inhabitants at an almost remote area and they were very kind and willing to help every hikers.

I can not afford not to smile at the small things along our hike, for humanity is still alive.

 

Every stop leads to better view and more laughter, these strangers and this hike

Makes me feel light, I exhaled and enjoyed the view every time we stop for a quick rest.

As we continue, the trail becomes higher and harder.

We hardly keep our balance not to fall and wished that our knees wouldn’t surrender.

 

While the others was behind us, these thoughtful new faces awaits them just to make sure that everyone’s fine.

I know it’s awkward and all, but I guessed this is better than being stuck in my room and watching movies all the damn time.

Maybe at some point in life there got to be a change in the way I pattern my life.

And this year, hiking Mt. Matangili Rocks which is about three to four hours of hike at various paces serves as my stepping stone

 

I have told myself that this adventure shouldn’t stop here, it’s just the beginning of everything.

A new life full of new experiences, a note filled with bucket lists, self-peace.

They say if you want to find yourself, you’re going to spend your whole life doing so.

So instead of stressing my mind trying to find ‘me’, I’m just gonna let life find me.

 

Finally, after three hours or so we reached the top.

The view was worth the hike, every sweat and an almost-stumble posts.

It is breathtakingly beautiful, every corner at the top gives exemplary view.

Since this is my first to climb a rocky mountain, it’s considered as the best yet.

 

Hiking is a decision that shouldn’t be decided upon so easily.

Hike at your own risk they say, because along the way there is always danger.

But, they say that the rarest and most beautiful view comes after the hardest hike.

Mt. Matangili Rocks rocked us.

 

 

 

Remember to Forget

Today, I was so eager to go straight to our library to write. I would have gone directly though if I wasn’t running some errands. And surprisingly, now that I’m sitting here all ready to put words together my thoughts were just like a pasta spilled on the sink, no way to go but the drainage. All gone, they’re all gone.

It’s like what happened to me a couple of days ago, while I was changing my password on my phone I have made a genius one but thinking more it was too long. Then I decided to change it again but to my surprise, I couldn’t remember the password. I’ve tried maybe a hundred times, but only to frustrate myself from not remembering that oh-so-genius password.

Now, I’m thinking maybe it is a sign of aging? But the thought itself makes me think that I’m way too young for this, or am I? Is being forgetful on age-basis? Oh hell, I would know. I still think I’m not being forgetful. Maybe my thoughts were just clouded by many things that I’m having hard time sinking it all in. Maybe this was just a dilemma happening to anyone once in their lives, or twice or thrice. Who knows?

But come to think of it, with all my reasoning about what’s happening to those and these. Maybe, the strongest word right now, maybe all of it was supposed to happen. Like everyone’s been spitting, everything is meant to happen.

Me, failing to remember that password on a different point of view wasn’t bad at all. To think that the time my phone was locked by my negligent action, was somewhat somehow favorable on my side. Because that time, we were doing our thesis proposal for our scheduled defense the following day. And I contemplated, still contemplating to be honest, that it was meant to happen for me to focus. And thankfully, by God’s grace we have done our proposal successfully.

And me, failing to remember those brilliant ideas, brilliant for me though, wasn’t bad too. Because if those thoughts just come rushing to me, I would have been frustrated to write them all down and chances are, they will be good enough or good for nothing at all. Smiling at my seat thinking, that everything makes sense now. Those ideas I have before entering the library were gone for me to have a clear mind, to forget what I have to remember, and remember to write what I have forgotten.

Sometimes, when we are having loads of thing on our plate all we have to do is to forget all about it. This may not apply under all situation in life, but this had prove me right. Remembering less, and focusing more. Although I’m saying to remember to forget, what I really mean is we shouldn’t have to torment ourselves.

Let us learn to deal with our own problems one by one, yeah I know that we don’t have all the time in the world. But I do know in myself that what is meant to happen will happen.

 

Level of Greatness

Today, me and my thesis buddy decided to continue our study.

So, I need to leave home for another home.

But today also, there are so many things that’s been going on in my mind for a while.

Things like, why did God let this happen?

And things like, thank God for letting this happened.

While eating supper with my thesis -buddy, we were ranting about how hard could be our study

We were thinking if how could we surpass this semester,

If we were be able to graduate somehow.

Could we?

After eating dinner with my partner, we went to continue our paperwork.

She’s reading some books and I decided to eat some snack.

While eating, things that goes circling on in my mind popped again.

My three-year roommate’s mom is in the hospital.

I’ve been reading her posts in social media,

And I was saddened by this.

So I prayed to God for her mom’s to be healed.

And thank God, this didn’t happened to my mom or my grandma or anyone in my fam.

And then I was thinking about my dad.

My father, who had been very supporting in my studies

Who had done many sacrifices just to send me where I am now,

Who hardly think about himself,

Is tired and is getting old.

I felt sad, my fingers were stucked inside my snack.

I was staring at nothing.

I cant let my father down after all these years of hardships.

I just cant be the reason for his disappointment.

No, I must not be.

No matter how hard,

No matter how stressful,

No matter how long the process,

No matter what,

I must make him proud of me,

I must make all those hardworks pay-off.

Then suddenly, after a long pause

I’ve remember why I am here doing thesis to pass this sem and graduate this course,

But not just that,

I’m here first of all because of my Father, my Family.

I have dreams, we have dreams for each other

And no matter how hard life gets,

We know that we will always got each other’s back.

To sum it all up,

Tonight I have realized that God gave us different level of greatness

In accordance to how we deal with our situation at present.

Because no matter how not-great a person could be,

Handling situation that is somehow related to a family member

Makes him greater than before.

Well, Im just saying that

Family is our first, realest, and greatest motivation of all.

In A Different Persona

Today, I saw the man whom I fell inlove way back 2012;

I dont know why I fell inlove with a stranger, I just did.

Since then, he’s the only guy Im into.

Days passed, months, and years but

He’s still the one…

Today, he has different aura from those past years that I’ve seen him.

Those eyes, with formed-dark circles,

Tired and in pain, that’s what I think it says.

Those thick brows I’ve loved, were torn today.

The person whom I fell inlove years before,

Is in another persona.

I felt like he was a different person from before.

It feels like I’ve lost the person I’m only into but

I’ve never even had in the first place.

My heart raced, my mind was blown;

I dont know what and how to react.

Im staring at blank space, continued walking.

And walked away. Far away from him.

Farm away from a stranger.

I felt the weight on my shoulders,

I dont know what to do.

Should I wait and see?

Because after all these years, I’ve waited long enough just to end it here.

Or should I just let go and start anew?

Because I’ve wasted enough time already and  my heart deserve someone else.

Which is which?

🤔

It’s new year everyone!🎉

I guess the most precious gift you could ever give yourself for this new year is acceptance.

Accept the things that you cannot undone, learn to let go and be free.

By this, you should learn how to forgive yourself first before others.

Learn to pat your shoulder first before lending it as a crying shoulder to others.

Embrace your flaws and be the best version of yourself.

Lastly, you must recognize yourself worthy.

Because oftentimes, others may look you down

And this may hurt your ego, but by then you learned your worth

Those criticisms may mean nothing to you anymore.

Laugh it off, cause soon they’ll realize

That they’ve made a stupid mistake.

Being happy and contented by your whole being

Is the best revenge to an envious soul.

Forgive,

Recognize, and

Accept yourself

School is a mess…

…I’ve been thinking lately, that school is a mess.

it squeezes all the information out of you,

it worn outs your body.

School is a mess.

You go in, fresh like the flowers in the morning

but you come home like a withered one.

You give all your best, still ain’t enough.

You stayed up all night just to complete a set of reports,

which will eventually be criticized.

School is a mess.

You keep on telling yourself to never give up,

but the truth is,

you are on the edge of giving up.

and finally, after the long wait

graduation comes, but still

SCHOOL IS A MESS…